Tag Archives: love

PEACE AND QUIET

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So it’s Saturday, and I am home alone. Well, not totally, I have my little princess Eva with me, but she is asleep. Paul is on the afternoon shift at work, and our boys spend Saturdays nights at their dad’s house. It’s very quiet in the house, even my cat doesn’t make a sound. I don’t usually like to be on my own, but today, after very busy few days, I am really enjoying it.

It’s because I try to be there for everybody. Eva off course needs my constant attention. Ben as a middle child is simply jealous, and this becomes a real problem. His not angry, he loves Eva. But he wants me to be with him all the time. So I need to stretch myself to change nappies, read books, bottle feed and play on PS at the same time. I do talk to him a lot, try to be there when he needs me. But this makes it worse, because now, everything is the end of the world. Today he took my iPad and saw that there is a new game. It was Oliwer’s game, and I didn’t know anything about it. So he cried. Instead of just go and ask his older brother he cried, and I’ve spent nearly 10 minutes calming him down, explaining that Oliwer for sure will tell him everything he wants to know about this game. This is how it looks, any little reason is the reason to cry. I don’t even entertain it any more. I just tell him to stop or I won’t talk to him. He needs to snap out of this habit quickly, or I’ll sit down and cry with him. And there’s Oliwer. He is 11, and this is time when he needs me and Paul a lot. If I hadn’t nag him about school, he would happily leave everything, not do his homework, and play on his PS all day and all night. So I make sure he is always ready for school, and if he doesn’t understand something, I work on it with him (what sometimes means that I have to go online and learn how to do it myself). In this matter I was nicely rewarded, as Oliwer’s new school report shows that he is where he should be with moste of the subjects, and with some of them even above the expected level.

This week I’ve had a difficult cake to make, so most of my free time over last three days, I’ve spent preparing figurines. I also tried to do the usual things, so our daily schedule doesn’t change. I think children, especially little needs a routine more than anything. I am very happy with the result of my work, and I want to show you how it turned out. It’s a double sided cake, for brother and sister, she loves Disney and animals, he plays Dragon City game. So here is a link to my instagram post;

I were very happy to give it away, so I could focus on my kiddos a little bit. We had an art Saturday. Ben could choose what we will do. He wanted to paint. I like when we paint, because Oliwer leaves his games and joins us every time. We have a bit of family time. It’s a shame that Paul was at work, and couldn’t do it with us.

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Now, to celebrate mu quiet evening, I will hang my washing, and have a long hot bath.

BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!

I finally found a bit of time to tell you about my Christmas. As I have a patchwork polish-english family, we celebrate in both ways as well. I’ll start from the beginning.

In Poland we celebrate on Christmas Eve rather then Christmas Day. Our tradition say, there should be twelve dishes on the table, there should always be one empty plate on the table, for unexpected hungry guest, who may knock on the door. We start our dinner when the first star comes out on the sky. Before eating, we share with each other a special wafer, called oplatek, and say Christmas wishes, usually of health and fortune. After that, some families read the Bible and pray, my family have never done that, therefore I don’t keep this tradition. Then we eat. My favourite dishes on Christmas table are pierogi (dumplings) with sauerkraft and mushrooms, and bigos – sauerkraft with mushrooms and meat. Now, before someone shout – There shouldn’t be meat on polish Wigilia (Christmas Eve)! – I will explain, that when I was a child we didn’t eat meat on Christmas Eve, it was more like a rule then tradition. In respect of animals that came to baby Jesus, there was NO! meat on polish table on Wigilia. But, when I was a bit older I remember, first hearing in the church, and then it was all over tv, that it’s everyone individual decision if he wants to eat meat or not. My family quickly adapted this information, and we do have a little bit of meat on this day.

This year my younger son, Ben (4) decided to help me with preparing dumplings, and we’ve had loads of fun doing this, although it wasn’t funny when I had to scrape dumplings dough from the floor after.

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Ben preparing dumplings

This year, before the dinner, mr P dressed up as the Santa Clause. We thought Ben will recognize him, but he didn’t! It was so good to see this happiness on his little face. Even Eva had a photo with Santa.

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Ben with Santa

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Eva with Santa

All children received one gift each, with a promise of more on Christmas Day…

Christmas Day is always a bit difficult for me, as my boys go to their dad, to spend some time with him. Me and mr P go to his parents to celebrate with them. But first, when we wake up we open our Christmas gifts. There has to be a gift for everybody, even for our cat. This year I’ve got a very special gift from mr P. I had a giant gift bag, with loads of wrapped boxes inside. Boxes where smaller, and smaller, and when finally I’ve got to one size of a shoe box, he told me to leave it, stand in front of a Christmas tree and close my eyes. So I did. And he took out the ring, and proposed… this is the best gift I could ever get.

I hope that this next year 2017, will be healthy, happy, magical, and full of good surprises, for me, and for you. Happy New Year!

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The first week

We’re back at home with baby Eva, tomorrow she will be one week old. This week had been very chaotic, we still keep on trying to get back to our routines, be with Eva all the time, and don’t forget to pay enough attention to Oliwer and Ben. This is not an easy thing…

First thing I want to tell you about is after birth. Remember when Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton walked out to people less than 12 hours after giving birth to little princess? She looked stunning, and I hope she felt like this as well. Trust me, if anybody told me to dress up, sort myself out and walk out after giving birth, I’d tell him to go to hell. And my girl was born quick and without any complications. Can’t imagine someone who had a hard time giving birth doing that. After this stressful and painful time, your body still hurts for at least a day. Your “inside” needs to clean itself, so you have bleeding, that can be stronger or weaker, depends on how your child birth went. And there’s a belly. Don’t let yourself think, that it will disappear a day after. Oh no, your pregnancy belly is still there, just squashy and empty, it’s not easy to get rid of that.

Eventually, if everything is OK with you and your baby, you’ll go home on the same day. And here reality awaits for you. Tiredness is a common thing, you wake up thinking of going back to bed. Baby has got it’s own rhythm, and you have to adjust yourself to it, plus make sure you don’t forget about your other kids, make sure they don’t feel left out. I’ll tell you from my point of view, that it’s easier done with younger children, than older ones. My Ben (4) is happy just to sit with me, have some cuddles, help me feeding
(as I don’t breast feed) the baby, while Oliwer (11) needs something more, not even with me, it’s more about Paul and dad – son relationship. So we work on it. They did some “men shopping” together yesterday, today they went to watch our local football team, even though they both support Manchester United. But the point is, they spend some quality time together. Believe me, i can see the change in Oliwer straight away. He is happier, his aura was a bit grey this week, today it shone brightly…

Work out your way. Most of mums wants their man to help them at night time. Get up when baby cries, and be awake when they are awake. For me it doesn’t sound right. I’m very appreciative of what Paul does for me. He’s two weeks off from work, and help me
a lot at home. He does cleaning, shopping, and help with the baby. He just wants me to focus on Eva and have a rest. Seems to me a bit selfish and unfair to wake him up at night, while he does so much during a day. Soon he’ll go back to work, I can’t expect him to go there tired, because he had to get up at night. How we worked it out for now, is that I get up at night, and then in a morning, he takes Ben to school, then look after Eva, and I can catch up with some sleep. Works for us just brilliantly.

In the end I want to mention feeding your newborn. I know, that midwives and doctors say, breastfeeding is the best way. But my daughter is big, she it’s nearly a double what newborns usually eat. I tried to breastfeed, but there wasn’t enough in my breast for her. If this happens to you, don’t stress yourself, just change to bottle any time, nobody will say a bad word, you’re not doing anything wrong, ready milks now are as good as breast milk, they contain everything what your baby needs.

So find your way with everything, and just enjoy being a parent.

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Baby Eva Monika, 3 days old

MY LITTLE BIG ANNIVERSARY

For most od people this wouldn’t mean much, but for me it’s a lot. It’s mine and Paul’s second anniversary of our first date.


 Why I want to tell, you this? Because it’s not easy for a person like me, with my past, to trust again…

Three years ago I’ve been left alone. After 10 years and two kids, the father of my boys decided to start a new family somewhere else. That destroyed my self-esteem, and I didn’t think that I’ll love again… I was broken inside really badly, I didn’t even know how much.

When I first met Paul I were just starting to put my world together. Thirty years old single mum with two kids and financial problems. But he took me as I am. 


I was a right mess at the beginning. If I woken up, and he wasn’t next to me, I were running downstairs to see If he didn’t dissappeare. I’ve made many mistakes. I were kicking off if he went to put a football bet on and didn’t come back for one hour. I still learn to trust. I still walk around our living room and look through the window, if he is 5 mins late from work. But I learn. I tell myself that I shouldn’t be worried. Because I know I can trust him. He took it all very well. He stayed with me, accepted me, and showed me real love. Showed me how the life with love should look like.

And here we are now. Me pregnant, Paul being a perfect dad for my two boys, waiting for our little girl to be born. And I just want to say ‘Thank you!’ and ‘I love you!’ because you’re with me…