Category Archives: school

A THING ABOUT CHILDHOOD MONSTERS

As my pregnancy grounded me at home I became a fan of morning tv. I have my favourites on This Morning and Loose Women, sometimes I even get annoyed with subjects or people they interview, and today both shows took on a thing that makes me very angry – bullies. I want to put here the link to This Morning, because I believe, that everybody should here what this mother has to say, the mother who lost her son, because of bulling. Very often children don’t realize what they are doing, how cruel they are, but if the worst happen, they will have to live with this thought – he killed himself because I bullied him. That’s why I want YOU PARERNT OF BULLING CHILD, AND YOU PARENT OF BULLIED CHILD to listen to this woman, and read my story as well, don’t ignore it, help your child.

First, I will tell you about myself and my son. I never thought that I were bullied, until my oldest son was. I were fat child with crossed eyes, and horrible glasses. Children were laughing at me, but in our school I had popular older sister, that would always defend me. But I couldn’t defend myself, my self confidence was destroyed. I learned to not pay attention to people, I’d rather sit alone and read books then talk to people. My mum wasn’t very helpful, for her I was perfect because I had good notes at school, and quiet child can’t be naughty. Even when I stopped wearing glasses, and had a straight eyes I couldn’t see that I am pretty. I always found myself being fat and ugly. Eventually as an adult I learned where my voice comes from, and was able to stand up for myself.

And here it comes, my childhood demon came back to me. When my son came back home one summer day, and said that he was attacked by other boy. I knew that I have to defend him, but I didn’t know how, especially because it meant I would have to speak English. But, from the beginning. I would never think, that it can happen to my son. Ten years old, handsome, top marks at school, sporty, popular. Children like this don’t get bullied. He told me once, that kids are laughing as he’s got very big ears. As his mother, I never seen anything wrong in his ears, but that’s because our children are always perfect to us. That scared me, but he wasn’t really bothered, he found this funny. At the end of year 5 boys discovered word “gay”, and everything for them was “gay”, but there was one boy, that really had it in for Oliwer. Always found a moment to make a laugh from him in front of others. I noticed that my son’s confidence is going down, I told Paul, his step dad. He is very good in banter, he taught Oliwer some clever answers, and this finished bulling very quick. I had my happy boy back. Not for long… Summer holidays came. He would be out with his friends on their bikes all day. One day I noticed they spend more time at home every day. The shock came, when Oli came back home with tears in his eyes, and I had a text message from  friend, saying that she had seen Oliwer being attacked by other boy, and if I want to call police, she can say what she saw. Me and Paul started talking to him. It turned out that there is a boy, same age as my son, that keeps on attacking him and his friends. He hit Oliwer in his ribs, tried to steal his bike, and scared him, that if Oliwer try to fight back, he will make his older brother take care of Oliwer. My son changed in minutes. Wouldn’t come out the house, constantly was checking if I’m home. I couldn’t go to the garden without telling him first that I am there. When school started he begged me to start picking him up after school, because he was scared to meet this boy on the way home. Paul decided, that we have to talk to this boy parents. But that was useless. The mother of this boy laughed at us. When I said that her son tried to steal Oliwer’s bike, she answered, that “that’s what children do”. All we heard is you don’t know who I am, who my brother and my partner are, you will regret coming here, you are nothing. They were shouting, we ended up shouting. The biggest problem was, that Oliwer saw it, and it made it all even worse, because if his parents can’t do anything about it, who can?

Our only luck was, that Oliwer wasn’t the only one who had problems with this boy. Four other polish mums from our school went with me to talk about it to headteacher. Unfortunately in a case like this, school won’t deal with it, because bulling is happening after school, and this boy is not a pupil in there. They referred us to community police. Community police couldn’t do anything neither, because Ted the bully was only 10 years old. He is a child, and the law wants to give child a chance. They would only go to his house and talk to his parents. And Ted was doing something more horrible every time. Once he pushed a boy on the ground and kicked him a few times in the head. Another time he grabbed a younger boy and threw him on the edge of a public path, the boy fell on his face and had to go to hospital for a check. Every time people were calling community police, in the end Ted had to sign a document of justice ( I can’t remember it’s real name), which mean that if he does anything again he will be put on the young offenders list, and can be taken to young offenders home.

Since this happen, we didn’t hear about any problems with this boy. Our problems weren’t finished though. Oliwer was still scared. School didn’t see this, because he was happy as always in there. This was the thing, if he had an adult somewhere around him, he was ok. But he couldn’t be left on his own for a minute, he started having panic attacks. Once Paul stood in our front garden talking to our neighbour, when he heard a scream. Oliwer went out of his room and saw that there’s nobody inside the house. Sat down on the stairs, screaming like mad, because he was scared. We called Children Mental Health Centre for help, and we found out that school has to refer Oliwer to have a talk to them. We asked his teacher for help, she promised they would do that, and they never did.

Now the nightmare is finished, but only because Oliwer decided that it can’t be like this. First started going out for short time, close to our house. Then longer, and I must say that a Pokemon Go game was helpful in here. His friends from school, that he plays on his PS4 with were playing this, and Oliwer started, so they would meet on weekends somewhere around, just to walk and try to find Pokemons. I know it’s not the best way to deal with things, but if it works, I’ll take it.

At the moment Oliwer is in secondary school, which he likes a lot, there isn’t any problems. All I want to ask you parent is to not ignore any sign of bulling in your child life, even if it’s to big ears, because in their age everything can grow to a tragedy.

 

IF YOU COULDN’T BE ASKED TO READ THIS VERY LONG POST PLEASE AT LEAST WATCH THIS

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BIG STEPS, BIG CHANGES

Patchwork family is up for a big changes over last few weeks. They start with the new school year. Not only Ben, 4 years old, started full time education, but Oliwer, 11 years old, started Secondary School. Our choice of school was a surprise for many of our friends, as Mcauley Catholic High School, is a bit far from where we live. Oliwer needs to travel everyday by the school bus, and that’s the only scary bit about this choice. I’ve heard so many times, that he would be ok, if he went to Balby Carr, which is only 15 mins walk from our house, but first thing – Oliwer didn’t want to, second thing – Mcauley is much better school, it’s in the second place of the ranking of schools in our town. He really likes it, and I noticed massive change in him already. From a little boy, that sits at home, scared of going somewhere on his own, he turned in, maybe not totally, but more independent young man.
We still have little issues, like yesterday, when he came back with a headache. After a while he came to me, and said, that he was put into second form in science. For those who don’t know, there’s four forms, where first one is the best. My pour, very ambitious boy thought, that he’s going to be in trouble for that, as he knows how important education is for me and Paul. Hopefully he understand now, that second form is not bad, and even if he was in the fourth one, it only mean that he needs to learn a bit more, and maybe with a bit of our help. No point stressing himself out on the second week of the new school year. What I want to ensure my children in every conversation like this, is that they don’t need to be scared to talk to us, we are very proud of them, and they have our support. This is very important for me, that they know this.

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Second big change came on this weekend. For the first time since we’ve split, my boys spent the night in their fathers house. I was dreading this day for the last 3 years, thinking that it will break my heart. I love my boys very much, but I must say, that it was nice to have one evening and morning, only for me and Paul. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t like to do this more often then once a week, the house is to quiet without them, but I think that everybody from time to time, need a non-children evening, to recharge batteries. And apart from that, it’s time for them to build a bond with their father and his family, as he didn’t pay to much attention to them until now.

The biggest change is still to come. I’m 38 weeks pregnant now! Can’t wait for my little girl to be with us. Everything is ready crib, loads of pink and white clothes, and blankets, baby seats, swing, and a pram from my dreams.

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All we need is our baby Eva. Oliwer keeps on asking, when is she coming, Ben kiss my belly and say hello to her, Paul is happy and scared, and I’m tired. I’m big hippopotamus mama, can’t move, everything takes me twice as much time as it used to, and I’m moaning all the time. Honestly, I think Paul deserves a medal for putting up with me, listening to me every day, when even I can’t listen to myself any more. Pregnancy is nothing like they say in parenting magazines. We all want it to be finished now. Can’t wait for little baby Eva Monika to arrive.

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CHANGES 

People lives change all the time. More or less, for better or worse. I hate changes in my life. Although last time everything changed for better, because I’ve met Paul. Today it’s happening again. It’s nothing scary, just big moments for everyone in my family. But I’m out of my comfort zone. I don’t know what’s next. My little Ben, officially finishes nursery today. Something that has been in our lives for nearly 3 years constantly,  even during summer holidays, because I was working. My 11 years old – Oliwer. Finishes Primary school today. He has been in the same school since he was 4. But it’s time to move to secondary school. In this place I have to gently swap subject and say how proud of him I am, because he scored top marks on the new SATS tests, when I hear all over that children were under national expectations. Well done son! Back to where I was – there’s me. Going to maternity leave from my work. The work that I love, people that I know. I want to go back next year, but you never know what is gonna happen… And there’s my Paul, supporting us all, trying to catch up with over emotional pregnancy states. I wasn’t too nice to him this morning, I must admit, and say sorry to him, but my head is just somewhere else, changes are stressing me out…

At the end I just want to show you my new hobby. Because I wanted to give Oliwer’s teachers something nice, so they can remember him, I made the gifts myself. The picture isn’t good, but you can see what I’ve done. Book folding. I really enjoyed it. I’ve made two of them, I hope they’re gonna like it.

HOW TO (NOT) EMBARRASS YOUR CHILD

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I’m totally innocent this time, I hadn’t done it on purpose. My son’s school gave us letters about Reading together afternoon. I asked my son if he wants me to come, as I try to remember that he is a big boy now. He allow me to come, if there won’t be hugs and kisses in front of his mates (yes, I still do it sometimes). So I went… and I was the only parent there. I watched children playing roles from B.F.G Roald Dahl. I had a good time.
After school I said sorry to my son, and that I hope nobody will laugh at him tomorrow. He answered “They already tried,  but I told them that only laugh because my mum is prettier then theirs”.
My lovely boy. Unfortunately this won’t be the last time. I’m just THAT kind of parent…