Monthly Archives: January 2017

MIRROR, MIRROR…

Something happened today… It made me realize that my older son is just like me… at least in some aspects, and it’s not good…

Mr P was video calling his best friend. They were having a laugh, he was showing him everybody in our house. At some p0int he went to O’s room, and it happened that O didn’t have his top on. Mr P and his friend were laughing, and O were laughing with them… but when Mr P went out of his room O burst in tears. He came to me later on to tell me, that he was embarrassed, and felt really low in this situation.

Now, Mr P got confused because O was laughing along them, got annoyed with me, because I couldn’t properly explain what is going on. But I know what’s going on, and it makes me curl. O is me, from when I was 11. No self-esteem at all, everything could knock it even lower. Someone could say something silly, didn’t want to hurt me, and I wouldn’t say a thing, but then, at home I would cry over it.

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My biggest problem when I were a child, was that I were doing everything slow. Talking slow, cleaning slow, walking slow… and my mum would never let me forget. I know that she never meant anything bad, but she were laughing with her friends, telling them how slow I am. I tried to be quicker, but nobody noticed that, they were still saying that I am slow. At the beginning of primary school I were overweight and had squint, so children had a right laugh. my eyes fixed when I were 9, I’ve lost weight at 11, but to the end of high school kids always called me the fat one. I couldn’t see that I am not, that it’s the way I am built, and really every girl would like to have my bum and breast. I didn’t see that they are jealous, that I am actually very pretty. I had so low self-esteem, that I wanted to be invisible, I felt like I am worse then anybody else…

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I don’t want my son to feel like I felt back then. I don’t want him to be like I was. I know now that it had a great impact on who I am now. I give up to easily. I love doing cakes, but
I am scared to advertise on facebook, because I think other girls make better cakes. I hide my whole life. I don’t want O to be like that. I will find a way to change his view on himself. Because he is very handsome, sporty, and top grade at school as well. It’s life skills he needs to work on, and he needs to start from seeing how awesome he is.

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