Monthly Archives: October 2016

AUTUMN HAS GOT ME

So that’s it. Summer is long gone, and autumn is fully in. It’s this first part of it, that I really like. It is a bit cool, I do have heating set up on minimum at home, but it’s still sunny outside. I like steady walks with shoes dipped in colorful leaves that nobody swept of the path; I like colours if the trees and how everything change. The middle stage between summer and gray and wet, late autumn… I look at people around me, seems that nobody can see it, everybody is in such a rush, that they miss the beauty of nature. I don’t blame them. They probobly have jobs, meetings, problems to solve. I have time. This is one of the perks of having a newborn baby. I take my baby in a pram and just wander around.

Today maybe less peaceful, as my boys started half term break at school, but still lovely. This is me, the mother of three, I tell you STOP! Stand for a moment, smile and look around. The world is beautiful, we just need to look at it.

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COLLECTING MEMORIES 

Are you a memories collector? I most of them just in my head, or on the photos, but sometimes I leave myself other “souvenirs”. This is mostly when it comes to my children. I have a little box for each of them, where I put the memories of the first few weeks of their lives. What’s inside? Hospital bracelets,  first dummies, Ben has got a little hospital hat, and umbilical cords ( just the piece that fell of baby belly). My Paul can’t understand how can I store something like umbilical cord, but this is polish tradition. I’m pretty sure my mum still has got my cord, if it didn’t fell apart after so many years. 

Last Sunday we visited Paul’s mum. She gave us another memory. Paul’s christening clothes! She kept them for over 30 years, and they look like new. I don’t care if it’s old fashioned christening dress, Eva is going to wear it for her first big day, that way we’re going to have a very special memory.

The first week

We’re back at home with baby Eva, tomorrow she will be one week old. This week had been very chaotic, we still keep on trying to get back to our routines, be with Eva all the time, and don’t forget to pay enough attention to Oliwer and Ben. This is not an easy thing…

First thing I want to tell you about is after birth. Remember when Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton walked out to people less than 12 hours after giving birth to little princess? She looked stunning, and I hope she felt like this as well. Trust me, if anybody told me to dress up, sort myself out and walk out after giving birth, I’d tell him to go to hell. And my girl was born quick and without any complications. Can’t imagine someone who had a hard time giving birth doing that. After this stressful and painful time, your body still hurts for at least a day. Your “inside” needs to clean itself, so you have bleeding, that can be stronger or weaker, depends on how your child birth went. And there’s a belly. Don’t let yourself think, that it will disappear a day after. Oh no, your pregnancy belly is still there, just squashy and empty, it’s not easy to get rid of that.

Eventually, if everything is OK with you and your baby, you’ll go home on the same day. And here reality awaits for you. Tiredness is a common thing, you wake up thinking of going back to bed. Baby has got it’s own rhythm, and you have to adjust yourself to it, plus make sure you don’t forget about your other kids, make sure they don’t feel left out. I’ll tell you from my point of view, that it’s easier done with younger children, than older ones. My Ben (4) is happy just to sit with me, have some cuddles, help me feeding
(as I don’t breast feed) the baby, while Oliwer (11) needs something more, not even with me, it’s more about Paul and dad – son relationship. So we work on it. They did some “men shopping” together yesterday, today they went to watch our local football team, even though they both support Manchester United. But the point is, they spend some quality time together. Believe me, i can see the change in Oliwer straight away. He is happier, his aura was a bit grey this week, today it shone brightly…

Work out your way. Most of mums wants their man to help them at night time. Get up when baby cries, and be awake when they are awake. For me it doesn’t sound right. I’m very appreciative of what Paul does for me. He’s two weeks off from work, and help me
a lot at home. He does cleaning, shopping, and help with the baby. He just wants me to focus on Eva and have a rest. Seems to me a bit selfish and unfair to wake him up at night, while he does so much during a day. Soon he’ll go back to work, I can’t expect him to go there tired, because he had to get up at night. How we worked it out for now, is that I get up at night, and then in a morning, he takes Ben to school, then look after Eva, and I can catch up with some sleep. Works for us just brilliantly.

In the end I want to mention feeding your newborn. I know, that midwives and doctors say, breastfeeding is the best way. But my daughter is big, she it’s nearly a double what newborns usually eat. I tried to breastfeed, but there wasn’t enough in my breast for her. If this happens to you, don’t stress yourself, just change to bottle any time, nobody will say a bad word, you’re not doing anything wrong, ready milks now are as good as breast milk, they contain everything what your baby needs.

So find your way with everything, and just enjoy being a parent.

eva

Baby Eva Monika, 3 days old

THE BABY IS COMING!

It wasn’t suppose to be this way. I imagined panicked,  broken waters, unexpected contractions. Nothing like this. I went for a usual check to midwife yesterday. Unfortunately she discovered  that my blood pressure is sky high, there are proteins in my pee and my legs are swollen. Been send to hospital for a check. It turned out I have a condition called Pre-eclampsia. So I had to stay in hospital and just wait now until they take me over to the labour ward to induce the labour. Can’t wait,  but I’m very stressed at the same time. So please everyone fingers crossed it’s going to be quick and easy.

A THING ABOUT CHILDHOOD MONSTERS

As my pregnancy grounded me at home I became a fan of morning tv. I have my favourites on This Morning and Loose Women, sometimes I even get annoyed with subjects or people they interview, and today both shows took on a thing that makes me very angry – bullies. I want to put here the link to This Morning, because I believe, that everybody should here what this mother has to say, the mother who lost her son, because of bulling. Very often children don’t realize what they are doing, how cruel they are, but if the worst happen, they will have to live with this thought – he killed himself because I bullied him. That’s why I want YOU PARERNT OF BULLING CHILD, AND YOU PARENT OF BULLIED CHILD to listen to this woman, and read my story as well, don’t ignore it, help your child.

First, I will tell you about myself and my son. I never thought that I were bullied, until my oldest son was. I were fat child with crossed eyes, and horrible glasses. Children were laughing at me, but in our school I had popular older sister, that would always defend me. But I couldn’t defend myself, my self confidence was destroyed. I learned to not pay attention to people, I’d rather sit alone and read books then talk to people. My mum wasn’t very helpful, for her I was perfect because I had good notes at school, and quiet child can’t be naughty. Even when I stopped wearing glasses, and had a straight eyes I couldn’t see that I am pretty. I always found myself being fat and ugly. Eventually as an adult I learned where my voice comes from, and was able to stand up for myself.

And here it comes, my childhood demon came back to me. When my son came back home one summer day, and said that he was attacked by other boy. I knew that I have to defend him, but I didn’t know how, especially because it meant I would have to speak English. But, from the beginning. I would never think, that it can happen to my son. Ten years old, handsome, top marks at school, sporty, popular. Children like this don’t get bullied. He told me once, that kids are laughing as he’s got very big ears. As his mother, I never seen anything wrong in his ears, but that’s because our children are always perfect to us. That scared me, but he wasn’t really bothered, he found this funny. At the end of year 5 boys discovered word “gay”, and everything for them was “gay”, but there was one boy, that really had it in for Oliwer. Always found a moment to make a laugh from him in front of others. I noticed that my son’s confidence is going down, I told Paul, his step dad. He is very good in banter, he taught Oliwer some clever answers, and this finished bulling very quick. I had my happy boy back. Not for long… Summer holidays came. He would be out with his friends on their bikes all day. One day I noticed they spend more time at home every day. The shock came, when Oli came back home with tears in his eyes, and I had a text message from  friend, saying that she had seen Oliwer being attacked by other boy, and if I want to call police, she can say what she saw. Me and Paul started talking to him. It turned out that there is a boy, same age as my son, that keeps on attacking him and his friends. He hit Oliwer in his ribs, tried to steal his bike, and scared him, that if Oliwer try to fight back, he will make his older brother take care of Oliwer. My son changed in minutes. Wouldn’t come out the house, constantly was checking if I’m home. I couldn’t go to the garden without telling him first that I am there. When school started he begged me to start picking him up after school, because he was scared to meet this boy on the way home. Paul decided, that we have to talk to this boy parents. But that was useless. The mother of this boy laughed at us. When I said that her son tried to steal Oliwer’s bike, she answered, that “that’s what children do”. All we heard is you don’t know who I am, who my brother and my partner are, you will regret coming here, you are nothing. They were shouting, we ended up shouting. The biggest problem was, that Oliwer saw it, and it made it all even worse, because if his parents can’t do anything about it, who can?

Our only luck was, that Oliwer wasn’t the only one who had problems with this boy. Four other polish mums from our school went with me to talk about it to headteacher. Unfortunately in a case like this, school won’t deal with it, because bulling is happening after school, and this boy is not a pupil in there. They referred us to community police. Community police couldn’t do anything neither, because Ted the bully was only 10 years old. He is a child, and the law wants to give child a chance. They would only go to his house and talk to his parents. And Ted was doing something more horrible every time. Once he pushed a boy on the ground and kicked him a few times in the head. Another time he grabbed a younger boy and threw him on the edge of a public path, the boy fell on his face and had to go to hospital for a check. Every time people were calling community police, in the end Ted had to sign a document of justice ( I can’t remember it’s real name), which mean that if he does anything again he will be put on the young offenders list, and can be taken to young offenders home.

Since this happen, we didn’t hear about any problems with this boy. Our problems weren’t finished though. Oliwer was still scared. School didn’t see this, because he was happy as always in there. This was the thing, if he had an adult somewhere around him, he was ok. But he couldn’t be left on his own for a minute, he started having panic attacks. Once Paul stood in our front garden talking to our neighbour, when he heard a scream. Oliwer went out of his room and saw that there’s nobody inside the house. Sat down on the stairs, screaming like mad, because he was scared. We called Children Mental Health Centre for help, and we found out that school has to refer Oliwer to have a talk to them. We asked his teacher for help, she promised they would do that, and they never did.

Now the nightmare is finished, but only because Oliwer decided that it can’t be like this. First started going out for short time, close to our house. Then longer, and I must say that a Pokemon Go game was helpful in here. His friends from school, that he plays on his PS4 with were playing this, and Oliwer started, so they would meet on weekends somewhere around, just to walk and try to find Pokemons. I know it’s not the best way to deal with things, but if it works, I’ll take it.

At the moment Oliwer is in secondary school, which he likes a lot, there isn’t any problems. All I want to ask you parent is to not ignore any sign of bulling in your child life, even if it’s to big ears, because in their age everything can grow to a tragedy.

 

IF YOU COULDN’T BE ASKED TO READ THIS VERY LONG POST PLEASE AT LEAST WATCH THIS

CHILDBIRTH – PREPARE YOURSELF

Tomorrow is my due date, but it looks like my baby girl is not going anywhere. So I’m “running” thru my hospital bag again, to make sure I have everything, and I thought I’ll tell you, from my point of view, how it is to give birth, as I’ve done it twice already.

  1. First thing – the bag. My bag is prepared from the beggining of August, as you never know, when you are going to need it. I’ll be honest, I’m very unorganized person, so my partner got involved in it, he made a list, I just added a few things to it, and we packed it. Do it with your partner if you can, it will help him realize that it’s coming sooner or later. Here is our list:
    FOR ME:
    – 2 or 3 sleeping dresses, one to give birth in, second to change after, and third, because it’s a very dirty business and you don’t want to walk around looking like it’s Halloween
    – slippers
    – shower gel, for me there’s nothing nicer than a shower straight after
    – dressing gown
    – towel
    – face cloth, to wipe your face during childbirth, as I promise you, you will be very sweaty
    – a few pairs of big pants
    – pads for pants
    – pregnancy bra
    FOR THE BABY:
    – bodysuits
    – sleeping suits
    – vests
    at least 3 of each, as babies like to get dirty
    – blankets, I packed 2
    – nappies
    – baby wipes
    – hats, socks and mittens
    – dummy
    – muslin clothesThat’s the essentials according to me, and it’s only if you’re going to hospital for a short stay (around 6 hours after giving birth). Remember, better take more than panic after. I also have some special baby clothes prepared for leaving the hospital. I believe it’s a special moment, and has to be perfect.
  2. Planning the childbirth. I’ve been through it with midwife last month. She asked me about painkillers mostly. And what I can say is, don’t be a hero. Don’t say – I don’t want painkillers, because I want to be there with body and mind. My first time – very easy. They couldn’t give me any painkillers as it was to late for that, but I was the lucky one, done the job quick, and I can’t remember much of pain. Second, I wanted to be hard, but it was more painful, and as soon as it started I were begging for a gas. This time, I said to midwife that I want gas as from the beginning, and I won’t say No! to anything if the pain is strong.
  3. OMG IT STARTED!!! It’s always a shock. My first child – contractions woken me up at 1 o’clock in the morning. I don’t remember much from in between this moment and giving birth. Second one – my waters broke while I was helping older son with his homework. Both times I felt great! Didn’t think that it’s time at all! This time, I’ve spent so many nights laying in bed with contractions, thinking – are they real or fake? The truth is – if you have time and strength to think about it, 9 times out of 10 they aren’t real. When it comes, there won’t be any doubts. YOU WILL KNOW!
  4. Way to hospital. Just a quick word about that. Plan it before. If you have other children, make sure you organize with family and friends who will come to look after them when you have to go. If you don’t have a car, like I don’t make sure you know who will take you to the hospital. If your husband is working, plan what happens if it starts when he is at work. In our case, I call Paul and make my way to hospital with a friend,  Paul makes his own way, and we meet in there.
  5. Don’t be afraid to shout and swear. In fact, you’ll use words you never suspected that you know. When you’re giving birth The Game of Thrones seems to be a light daytime soap. You are pushing a little human out of your body!

    And then, when it’s all finished, you feel a relief, blessing like in a happy end of Disney story, in your head everything is singing, and this little baby that midwife has put on your belly is most beautiful miracle of your life.
    You will never forget this moment, but you will forget the pain. Don’t be scared, ask midwives and nurses for everything you want. They are there for you and your baby.
    GOOD LUCK!!!

chlopcy

My boys after Ben was born